Friday, July 13, 2007

My Angel Turned 21 - or - Where Did the Time Go?

Baby I was going to say that I can't believe my Angel is 21 years old - but I can.  I've been here for these past 21 years, watching him grow, and every birthday brought with it the same thought;  "I can't believe he's going to be ___ !"  Whether it was 5, or 7, or 12, or 16, or 18, or now 21 it's always been the same.  Disbelief that my sweet, smiling baby could really be that old.

The whole trouble, I think, is that I can remember so clearly almost everything about his birth and baby days.  You see, our second son wasn't born until my Angel was 7 1/2 years old, so he was my whole focus for those years.

Do you see that bright little face?  Can you almost hear the sweet squeals of delight?  I can, just like yesterday.  And joy fills my heart as tears fill my eyes. 

I received my copy of the NATHHAN News Spring/Summer 2007 this week and was so touched by one of the contributions.   It was nearing Valentine's Day and there was to be a dance at son's Adult Day Program Center.  He wanted to know if Mom would please come to the dance.  Of course!    Mom had asked son if he had a sweetheart and he admitted, while giggling, that he did!  On the day of the dance, Mom arrived at the Center.  She enjoyed watching her son with all of his friends, while trying to guess which of the ladies was his "sweetheart."  On the last song, mother and son took to the dance floor while Anne Murray's  "Could I Have This Dance?" played.   To quote her own words - "He and I stepped on to the dance floor, he slipped his arm around my waist and held my hand.  We swayed to the music, my eyes welling up with tears as I listened to the lyrics . . . . I'll always remember the song they were playing the first time we danced and I knew, as we swayed to the music and held to each other, I fell in love with you . . . .  My thoughts floated back in time to when I first held him in my arms as a little baby boy.  I fell in love and knew that my life would never be the same.  I reflected upon all the growing years between then and now, remembering all the love, the daily care, the assistance that has been required to bring my son into adulthood.  I thought of all the continued care that he will need every day for the rest of his life.  And as the words of the song asked for a lifetime commitment, my heart burst with love for my son, knowing that we would be dancing this dance for a long, long time."   The song ended, the dance ended and Mom and son got into the car to drive home.    Mom asked which of the ladies was his sweetheart?  He laughed and said "You are my sweetie!"

Well, MY Sweetie has grown into a very handsome man now.  But if you look closely, you can still see the bright little face with the light in his eyes.   The squeals of delight that filled my ears have grown a little deeper, and if possible, more enthusiastic!  And even though the rings of baby fat are gone, he fits perfectly in my arms and has filled my heart to overflowing. 

I'm looking forward to the NEXT 21 years!

This post originally published @

Friday, July 6, 2007

All About Attitude

I can't think of a good introduction sentence for this post.

And that is pretty typical of the way my life has been going lately.  Ever since we were finished with our work at the Fair, and my mothers party, I still have not felt settled or peaceful.   Our days have been filled with cleaning and chores yet my home is still out of control, clutter-wise.    But that's really just part of the reason.  My biggest issue has been dealing with attitude, namely a wrong attitude,  and I'm most sorry to say that it's my own. 

I've had lots of ideas for posts and pictures to share, cleaning projects and some decorating, family announcements and vacation plans, but knowing that my heart is not right towards my duties at home I didn't feel I should continue blogging as if all was well.  My focus and my heart need to be on my home and the people in it. 

I had the thought in my head today that all would be well once I am able to get control of this feeling, this attitude.   But almost as soon as that thought entered my head, the next thought was that that's my problem.  I have tried to take control and I will not have peace until I am able to give up control.  Give up control to the one who is truly in control - my Father in heaven.

I'm in a deep personal "valley", so to speak, and am looking forward to climbing and feeling the sunshine on my face and in my heart once more.
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.  Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.  Stand therefore, having you loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.      Ephesians 6:10-17

This post originally published @